Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
snorlaxatives: 99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times
Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the...– (via fordgirlsarebest)
redneckbeaut: I’d rather live in a small house with a big yard than a big house with a small yard.
blessyourprettylittleheart: I want a white farm house, with a lot of land, a dirt road running up through it, and white fencing. With woods, a creek, a pond or two. Some cattle, horses, and a good dog. I want just a simple life.
forever-classyx: Oh my gosh people, be nice to your waiter/waitress, it’s not their fault that your food is cold or if it’s under cooked. Be nice to the cashiers who are still training and can’t ring up your items as quickly as you want. If a stranger smiles and says hello to you, smile and say hello back! It’s just common courtesy, I don’t understand why people have to be so rude.
14th2: aiclan: afrogay: if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited if great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die
You want to know why I'll never be a size 2? Beer,...
chenyakumo: hey so i know this is tumblr and we all have a lot of different opinions but fuck wasps
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
Why, oh why, does my 21st birthday have to be on a Monday?
notquiteluke: nepeter: im really mad because boobs sounds too hilarious, tits sounds too vulgar, breasts too pretentious and any other words just make me want to laugh what word am i supposed to use while writing rumble spheres
Ugh. I have a final today.